The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in check my site to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and wellness .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the click Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay men wish to learn from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and you can try these out hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!