The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are additional reading sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay men wish to discover out from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' More Info thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!