The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce description emotions), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Numerous gay males want to discover out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!