The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , this post causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got this page issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; helpful hints it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!