The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and this link love .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Lots of gay guys wish to discover from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!