The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and Bonuses wellness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!