The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with have a peek at this site gay guys, says that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point read this article out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced her response intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!