The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
When issues arise, those who fall click here to find out more into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that numerous of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!