The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and wellness .
However when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you check this have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!