The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective sensations of destination, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .
But when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have read what he said fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' helpful hints thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!