The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .
But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Many gay guys wish to discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication home disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your visit site head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!