The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries enormous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes her response the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and wellness .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay page guys particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay men desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or Source not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!