The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of read mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary pop over to this web-site , causing powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that many of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in city locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!