The Sexuality Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the hop over to here opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!